History

THE TRUTH ACCORDING TO GREGOR!
An abbreviated and admittedly chauvinistic view of the history of ICOD

In the beginning there was Setanta. He arose from the chaos of Ostgardr and claimed the East Kindom for his own at the tender age of 19. The established lords of the day took umbrage at the effrontery of this upstart (probably because he had an attitude) and made things difficult for the young King, refusing him his own name, they labeled him "Bush King" (separate story) and "King X". Finally, under protest, he changed his name to Seanan...and it was good.

Seanan then decided he must have minions, so with a wave of his hand he created the brotherhood, a band of Black-clad, semi-sentient Neanderthals who did his bidding usually accompanied by grunts and calls for "More Ale!" Seeing that his minions needed refinement and gentility, Seanan then recruited a renowned Lady of Quality, the Lovely Lady Jovonne d'Esprit to teach the young lads manners and refinement. Unfortunately, most of the Brotherhood could not survive the rigorous training, and only the faithful Gowers, the eloquent Phynian, and the relentless Gregor emerged alive. Seeing that this was not enough, Seanan then recruited more thugs to reinforce his band of would-be-heroes; Wolfgang the chaste (poetic license), Romulus the not-so-chaste, Phelan(Jack) the Naysayer... and the list grew. Finally, the powers that be could no longer deny Seanan his due and he was Knighted. Unfortunately, the East had no idea what they started. One after another the once depraved thugs became Knights, and overnight became theoretically respectable.. Gregor, Wolfgang, Romulus... What depths had the East sunk to?, But even then it did not stop, the worst was yet to come. More troubled naer-do-wells joined the cult...I mean Household... Imric the Lame, Balin the Procurer, Christian Cnox, SQUIRE TO THE PRINCE!!!, Cynric the Absent, who has single handedly provided for the next generation of ICOD with 6, count-em, 6 children, Michelle the Too-pretty-to-stay-in-ICOD, Antoine the not-so-pretty-so-he-stayed-in-ICOD, Zachery the Pure (so pure he moved away form us to the West and changed his name to Gaston and got Knighted) Griffith the Ill-tempered, Raphael (what would Decker do?), and still they came. Seanan, seeing his dreams of respectability coming to fruition, realized the final horrifying truth...be careful what you wish for!

What about the ladies you ask…? Well there were ladies, they came and they went (mostly they went) but the knights and squires persevered and managed not to completely repulse a number of ladies of quality long enough for these virtuous women to see some potential upside… I SAID POTENTIAL!!! To date they are still looking, but the die was cast and the Hearts of Darkness ™ were born!!! Jovonne, Julyan, Christence, Meliora, Geneviere, Jolie, Gwennyth, Leah…… put a veneer of class over our heroes and hung curtains of decorum over the man-cave of ICOD

Then Balin the Procurer was Knighted (this was when he still wore clothes into battle) Finally the ultimate triumph! After winning Crown, Gregor (in the tradition of Pygmalion) took an uncouth mountain man (Gryffith the Ill-tempered) and turned him into a sophisticated, man-about-town. Yes, Gryffith had become a knight, a polished Gentleman with occasional bouts of Torrets syndrome. In a mixture of elation, shock and confusion, Seanan started the next chapter in his life and retreated to the mountains of the Outlands, becoming a hermit, and reflected upon his life. Legend has it that Seanan sits on his mountaintop home waiting for a worthy lad to find him so that he may begin his training...but so far, after watching Kill Bill 2, none have bothered climbing that God-forsaken mountain just to be beaten by a bitter old hermit.

Then Kelson the mighty of arm was Knighted, but nothing amusing occurred so we will not speak of it further. Seeing the success of the great ICODian training and finishing school, a Knight Errant, the Insanely fast, but totally clueless, Stephan the Barrister came to the steps of the great ICOD Citadel and begged leave to partake of their wisdom. In an act of charity, the benevolent Baroness Jovonne took pity on the young Knight, took him in and gave him a home. Together the Knights of ICOD vowed to turn the Valorous Sir Stephan into the Flower of Chivalry he is destined to be…, so far, unsuccessfully. Then more flocked to the ICOD banner, Geoffrey the Younger and his evil twin Jeffrey the Belligerent, Jibril the moderator, Eric (just call me Larry) Hundeman, Morgan the Righteous, Maxmillian the Sanitary, and Athan the Ponderer. These future Heroes of ICOD had seen the wonders that rumors, bribery and forgery had done for their predecessors and swelled the ranks of ICOD warriors in hopes of glory and advancement, or at least free beer. Somewhere in the midst of this testosterone laden recruitment drive, two lovely flowers (defenseless - NOT!) graced our humble band in the form of the sisters, Akaterine and Nikia. Unfortunately, the results of our acquisitions still resulted in ICOD retaining their appalling sausage-fest men/women ratio.

ICOD's legend grew and expanded to other Kingdoms. In the far-off lands of Artemesia, men of valor and women of virtue heard of the fine works of ICOD (good PR firm) and flocked to our banner. Earl Sir Gareth (did he join, or is he just freeloading?), Sir Decker Vigilsbane, Squire Aquilla the handy and his lady, Elaina the Rockin' (you give me a bottle of 30 yr old Scotch and you'll be Rockin' too!) all succumbed to the propaganda and sold their souls to Seanan's dream of voluntary servitude. On a side note, Aquilla squired to Gregor then promptly quit fighting. All part of Gregor's 15 year knighting plan (hey, it worked for Christian). In a related story, Gregor has no active squires. Hmm… might be time to re-think the plan.

Then the Unthinkable occurred, in a blur of Social-climbing, Squires Christian and Max were knighted to the tumultuous acclaim of their peers (in Christians case it was magnified since he created an on-line gaming world where everyone cheers for him 24-7) and Sir Kelson and Sir Griffyth won Crowns and we discovered several things; First, Kelson should not be allowed coffee in the morning, he is ridiculously cheerful at 7am already, second, Griffyth is absolutely out of his mind, fighting in every heavy weapons battle, every fencing battle plus shooting archery and doing the King thing at Pennsic. Confidentially, I have it on good authority that his jock disintegrated on the 5th day. Having won acclaim for themselves and their ladies, Geneviere (OMG I have twins) the fair and Akaterine (OMG I am still working on sewing projects from AS-30) the tireless, these stalwart men of action attracted additional minions to the ranks of ICOD. First; Baron Adolphus., acclaimed "Worlds Greatest Flunky" by ICOD Minstral Prime, Raphael, then Heinrich the Hammer (double bonus, he brews AND has a lady) squired to Duke Kelson. Earl Griffyth squired Colin, (I'm to pretty to join ICOD), and Edward, (I'm a Facebook friend with the guy who's to pretty to join ICOD so I'm not joining ICOD). Then these men were Knighted and left the household that they never joined so we wont speak of them further. During this orgy of self-congratulatory man-love, two gems from the north joined our ranks in the form of Master Julian and Mistress Carolyn LaPointe (sounds of angelic choir). Unfortunately, we haven't been able to dig up any dirt on these two and they don't sit still for interrogation. Then William the Thorough joined our merry band and somewhere in the midst of a 3-year plumbing project, and after much deliberation, squired to Sir Wolfgang (so much for the value of deep thought) Most recently Beatrix the multi-talented and Ron, who shall hereafter be known as Ron, decided we were the lesser of several evils and consented to subject themselves to the never-ending stream of poor puns, inappropriate songs and endless discussions of land allotment inherent in the daily diatribe of ICOD.

It is there that we end our tale and reflect back upon ICOD's humble beginnings and it's founder, the enigmatic Seanan; warrior, poet, enforcer. From obnoxious youth to King, Earl, Knight and finally Hermit, Seanan has gone from Hero to legend and finally...to Myth. No-one really remembers what he looks like, or can really remember what his voice truly sounded like... But I prefer to remember him like this...Buck naked save for his shirt and boots parading thru Pennsic looking for his regalia that the Tuchux women stole. But that is a tale for another time...

NOTE: The author takes no responsibility for spelling or chronology